Single at 30 is something I never expected to be. Truly, I fully expected to be married with one, maybe two, kids in tow, a great comfortable job, and to be in escrow. But life is funny with its twists and turns and here I sit. There are days when I feel like I should just get a cat (or some other pet because I think cats are the worst), learn to knit and accept my spinster life. While other days I feel like I have the capacity to move all the mountains and go where ever God calls because I have nothing tying me down. The single life is hard sometimes, especially when everyone seems to be coupling up and you feel like you’re lacking some relationship magic, but it’s also invigorating and full of beautiful potential.
Singleness is not the plague. It’s not something I want my married friends to see as something to comfort me about. It’s not something give me awkward encouragement about. “You just haven’t met the right guy yet.” or “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” The truth is, “single” may be a season, but it may not. I do know, though, that my worth and identity is not wrapped up in whether or not I have a +1.
I think many of us have an idea in our heads that there is a large chasm between single and married. Each one is kept to their side, and there is not bridge across, unless you’re engaged. Then you can have single friends and married friends until you say “I do” then you’re quickly swept across to the married side.
I’ve decided that we all need each other. Married, single, somewhere in between, we need each other. We need perspective. We need people to root for us, who see things differently. We need people who have “been there.” We need people who will love our kids in a special kind of way that we don’t. We need the friend who reminds us of our immense worth. Anyone would be lucky to have us, or that our spouse is lucky to be married to us. The friend that reminds us that life is FUN, and wild and an adventure. We also need people who will jump in the trenches with us. Who will wade waist deep in chaos to remind us what’s worth fighting for. The people who can drop anything to be with us, who bring necessarily supplies when hearts get broken.
We need to laugh, and cry and put broken pieces back together because we were created to live in community. I love my marrieds. I have learned so much from them. We’ve gotten our hands dirty, and we’ve stood in the gap for each other, and in those moments, it didn’t matter what our relationship status was. What mattered most was that we were there.
Do I want to get married? You bet. I want kids who look like their dad and laugh like me and who will love my community of people like family. I hope one day I’m in escrow for a cute house with a warp around porch with a swing. That might not happen (especially the porch swing part). What I do know is that God if faithful and will use my life to tell a story about Love and who he is, whether I have a ring on it, or not.
So,spend time with everyone. Invite that college kid over for dinner. Offer to watch the kids for a single mom. Talk about the marriages that your look up to, that have set an example for you and tell those people. Root for marriages, speak truth about relationships because we need each other.